What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 01:05
Especially a lifetime of it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He knew the spot.
What do you like the most about black people?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why do some of those who believe in a god refuse to consider the possibility they could be wrong?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And i lived it daily.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why is Donald Trump criticized by so many people?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What are some tips for balancing chores, work, and family life as an adult with children?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why are perceived or real slights interpreted as rejections and reality by pwBPD?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
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I write beautiful poetry .
I waited trembling.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Have you ever been forced into bestiality?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I said to her
Who then, do I blame.?
She wouldn,t have been !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
If Jesus was crucified by Governor Pontius Pilate, why does the Quran deny his death?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
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She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I will be 64.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Have you ever dealt with a Christian narcissist?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She married twice! .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
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I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I don,t even have a pension.
I was 9 years of age.
All the time i was locked up.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But it wasn’t much.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was in good health!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I never cut or harmed myself..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot live in the past .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My family never makes their pension either.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My life is so biszare .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So, i spoilt her more .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was seconnd youngest,
But, we were locked up after school.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were not on the streets..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So whats the point in blame.
I have no regrets .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She found it foreign!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
What did i know ?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Was to survive, this bastard.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I think the readers, may guess!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why did i forgive my father ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
This is soul school!.
I was very sick at this time too.
When she asked me how she looked .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Put me off passion for life!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ive learnt so much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We all went to grammer schools
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It was going to be , some day.
Comes on , in middle age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She loved him until the end.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was scared of men, in general
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Would this be the day?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im still living with it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I could never make a relationship work though!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.